This is not some overnight decision. A lot of consideration and discussions has been done. As you all know, I have been paktoring for years. Things will finally happen.
This few months, some friends said I gained some weight. Aunties said my face look round jor. My sisters said my tummy getting bigger.
The fact is I am afraid that I cant hide anymore.
I know by doing “this” is not forgiven, it’s not suppose to be the idea at all. I have been struggling too. I try not to be so obvious by wearing loosen shirt, wearing skirts to cover a bit things that I don’t want people to see.
But still, people can see it from my face. My sharp becoming round face.
I know age is the matter for this case. I am not young anymore. Having this “little thing” is not anything new to the community, to the society, to the century.
I know shouldn’t have the idea of “losing it”. But it make me lose my confident, my body shape is never be the same again. I am so so so sad about it. I need to get rid of it.
I know everything about this ‘operation’, the after effect, the cost, the time needed and the courage.
I just cant let “it” ruin my current lifestyle, I am not even ready to go to the ‘next stage’ of my life. I am enjoying so much now. I don’t want this changing to be that soon.
So I decided. I decided to do this!
Please forgive me, my fats, especially my fat tummy. I really need to get rid of you. You have been following me for months. I am so so so sad that I cant wear a nice jeans that I love so much. Because of you, I can’t fit in nice levis jeans. Because of you, I don’t dare to wear so much of the sleeveless tops, my fat arm will just expose shamelessly.
I must get rid of you. I must work harder to lose the fats!
I need to control my input. But I love food so much, HOW HOW HOW???????
I am GETTING FATTER!!!!!!